Baby Ben Foster

After breaking up with someone you need to take active steps to transform your life. Because nothing changes if you don’t change it, right? The constant temptation to fall back into old routines after my most recent breakup was starting to appear like a proposition covered in creamy peanut butter that was laced with crack. Being single after three plus years of not being single? Tough cookies man.

So what better way to distract myself from the looming uncertainty of how I would handle my bachelorette-dom? Friends! Adventures! Brunch! The problem was, at this point I had already been in San Diego for over a year and finding people to hang out with had proved a more difficult quest than initially anticipated. Between investing time in my relationship and traveling copious amounts for work; I hadn’t reserved much time in my life for seeking out new friendships. So I resorted back to my first tactic when I moved here, I reactivated my OKCupid account. Because the Internet is always the answer.

In hindsight, hopping on a site with the word “cupid” in the name purely to find friendship seems illogical. Whatever. The first few days I grimaced at an inbox flooded with smiley faces and charming one liners with typos about my smile. There was only one message that had any real content and I decided to take a gander at this young man’s bio. I latched on to a couple of different things he mentioned; he just purchased a house, had been to Italy, was sarcastic in an understated way, and did not display any my-space-esque photos with his shirt off.

We messaged back and forth for about a week and it was a welcomed distraction. Aside from his gross overuse of emoticons we enjoyed a friendly banter and seemed to have enough in common. Finally we agreed to meet in person and there were several things I discovered:

• His pictures were definitely old. Or he photographs supremely well. I expected a slightly tanner Ben Foster type, at the point where he was growing out of Flash Forward and into Angel.
• The company of someone who isn’t willing to ride inside a giant hamster ball is not something I desire. (Also see; Zorbing.)
• I’m not great at feigning interest in something, when I have lost interest.
• I wasn’t looking someone who is just a friend.

The last discovery was the most profound for me as I walked away from the get together, I felt unforeseen disappointment. If I was just looking for a friend why did it matter that I wasn’t physically attracted to him, or the idea that I didn’t think we could travel together because he didn’t seem as adventurous? I mean, why are you even thinking about trips when you’ve known him for the hottest of hottest minutes self?! I adore the friends that I have now and they fill several compartments of my life wonderfully. However there are certain aspects of having a partner that simply cannot be satisfied by friends and the awareness of that set in after this experience.

To be clear I’m in no rush to jump into another relationship. But after being in one for three years I’ve become cognizant of the fact that I’m not the person I was prior, and also that I have not truly dated anyone else in my twenties aside from him. With my new roll of flying solo I’ve decided to take on a personal project to better understand who I am and who I am looking for.

By December 31, 2013 my goal is to go on 20 first dates with different people whether from the Internet, set ups, or if someone picks me up at the grocery store. (Unless my knight in shiny whatever swoops me before that deadline of course.) The objective of this is to give myself an opportunity to experience all the dating that I haven’t thus far and become better aware of what I do and don’t want out of someone I’m seeing.

Date 1 – Baby Ben Foster

Date: Sunday, May 26

Digital communication: overuse of emoticons, appended to statements that did not deserve a smiley

Activity: Tacos at a place in Hillcrest that certainly did not live up to the hype of “best tacos in San Diego”.

Score of Attractive based on a total shallow first impression: Ben Foster circa 1996 when he was an awkward teen on Flash Forward.

Conversation topics: Mormons, traveling, zorbing,

Number of awkward pauses: Not too many until the last hour or so when I kept looking in to the distance while answering questions.

Intellectual stimulation: meh

What they are doing with their life: Works remotely for a software company in NYC, just bought a house and is fixing it up

Laughing: I genuinely laughed once and he gave me a face that indicated that was not an appropriate thing to laugh at.

Chivalry: No real opportunity for this. I made him go before me and he did not pay.

Duration: 12:30pm – 2:30pm (2 hours)
Any annoying habits that presented themselves: his hair annoyed me which is just not fair but is was so fluffy and so Ben Foster before he discovered hair product, I just wanted to give him some pomade or something.

Chance of a 2nd date: No. He didn’t want to run in a giant hamster ball. Also the exit was very awkward because I clearly wanted to leave and he did not.