Professor X

You know what’s great about working 70 hour weeks for over a month? Pretty much nothing. Things I remember about the last couple of months: enter and exit office when dark, forgetting what vegetables taste like, exercise by carrying two laptops to the office instead of one. The one great thing I did was take a much needed break from things like trying to go on 20 first dates. It looks like I’m ending the year with ten dates which is not a number to scoff at. The one good thing about being too busy to go on a million dates is you get a lot more time to discover what ass hats some people are when given ample time to reveal themselves.

I went out with Professor X clear back in August. (I mean really though, where did you go 2013?) This project hasn’t had many hard and fast rules but one has definitely been to just try new stuff. Fuck your comfort zone. You don’t like Raisin Bran? How do you know, when was the last time you had it? Real talk, I actually do hate Raisin Bran. Its like cardboard that’s been carefully crafted to resemble breakfast cereal and masked with sugar and shriveled grapes. I digress. Whether the total lack of regard for comfort applies to the person or the activity, so be it.

Prof. X was not someone I would have considered an option prior to my dating-frenzied-state. But we exchanged enough messages for me to gather he was a decent human and I could commit to an activity. My first impression of him was a Mexican-Arthur that secretly wanted to be on Tokyo Drift based off his unreasonably low riding and peppy car. Nonetheless he was quite pleasant and we went to see a cirque show in the park by the bay accompanied by the symphony. SO YEAH, THAT WAS AWESOME.

We discussed a great many things with minimal awkward pauses and it was great as far as first dates go. After the show we spent a couple more hours talking in his car about heavier topics like family, religion, and past relationships. What was really significant about X was that this was the first time after a date that I did not think about the ex. Was I pining for X? No, not really in to it. But I also didn’t feel the urge to call this off and rush back to what I know is also not right but familiar.

On to the juicy part where he drives me nuts. Most of the time there isn’t just one thing that I can point my finger at and blame for my lack of interest in someone. When you flat out just don’t listen though, I will point my finger at that shit ALL DAY. X is an engineer but when it came to social etiquette he was a little out of his league. After I met him I was coming up on several weekends of being out of town for essentially the rest of the year, which I informed him of. Granted, I was not the most important person in his life so him forgetting that initially was totally fine. But then there was not one, two, but FOUR instances where I had let him know I wasn’t available for the same activity and he just wasn’t picking up what I was throwing down. Also, I’m not calling to tell you this, you have it in your email or your texts for reference. Harsh? Please, ain’t nobody got time for that.

Initially I was open to seeing X again, maybe just as friends. But after the several weeks of me being out of town and unavailable whilst he persistently contacted me; I started to ignore him. He eventually stopped reaching out. Passive aggressive much? Here’s the thing; I hate being left hanging. I don’t do well with subtly. So if I’ve been out with someone more than once (three is usually the benchmark), I feel it courteous to put it out there that I’m just not interested, or only interested as friends. With one-daters I feel less inclined to do so since there hasn’t been much invested in that interaction. Thoughts? What’s your rule of thumb?

Date: Friday, August 16

How we met: OKC

Attraction: engineer at a startup, building some sort of tree above his fireplace, likes big cities, sails to decompress

Activity: Cirque Musica with San Diego Symphony

Conversation topics: Engineer-ing, social media-ing, TV, 80’s movies, family, religion, past relationships

Shallow First Impression: Arthur
Duration: 5:45pm – 11:30pm (6 hours)

Chance of a 2nd date: Second person I’ve had really good conversation with, Yes

What I learned: This was the first time I wasn’t thinking about my ex after the date. Even though I didn’t want to jump his bones, it was comforting to not be wanting someone else afterwards.